What would aliens think of humans from our Amazon purchase history?

Aliens would think humans are anxious, overworked, and ruled by pets.

From our Amazon history, they’d probably conclude:

• Dogs and cats are our overlords: the amount of pet beds, costumes, and treat purchases makes us look like a servant species.
• Our backs are failing: all the posture correctors, standing desks, and massage guns suggest we’re held together by wishful thinking.
• We trust packages more than people: smart locks and video doorbells say “fear the stranger,” while endless delivery orders say “please bring snacks to my porch.”
• We eat like chaos goblins: keto bars, ramen, and giant candy bags in the same cart would make us look biologically built for contradiction.

Overall, aliens would probably judge us as a civilization that is part domestic zoo, part office injury claim, part snack-driven mystery.