Could aliens understand Amazon reviews?

Possibly—but only if they had enough context about humans, commerce, language, and culture. Amazon reviews are not just factual product reports; they’re a messy mix of slang, sarcasm, expectations, star-rating habits, photos, shipping complaints, personal anecdotes, and platform conventions.

An alien intelligence could probably learn the basic structure: people buy objects, rate them, and write comments about whether the object met their expectations. They might infer that “5 stars” usually means approval and “1 star” means dissatisfaction.

What would be hard is the human meaning underneath. For example, a review saying “Changed my life!!!” for a vegetable peeler may be exaggeration, not literal transformation. “Works great, but Amazon lost the first one” is partly about logistics, not the product. “My cat hates it” could be a real usability signal—or just a funny anecdote. Even humans often disagree about what reviews mean.

So the best answer is: aliens could understand Amazon reviews at a surface level through pattern recognition, but deep understanding would require shared knowledge of human needs, bodies, humor, trust, consumer culture, and the difference between product quality, delivery experience, and emotional venting.